i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
