ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Randomize
