Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
