she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
You can't motorboat a personality
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
