She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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