you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
