Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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