rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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