Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
There r osticjed everywhere
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
