Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
