Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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