"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
