She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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