like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
So many bounce houses so little time
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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