My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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