I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
