Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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