he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
