Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
