i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
