If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
