Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
