ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
