All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Randomize
