It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
When are your genitals available?
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Randomize
