You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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