I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
