Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Randomize
