Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
