I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
