You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
