You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
