Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
