Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
