HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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