The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
