Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
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