I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Randomize
