Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
