just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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