I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
