I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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