im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
