She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
