I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
His hands were made for my vagina.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
