Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
