508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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