and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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