yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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