it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I supernannyed him into submission
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
