The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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