when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
