Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
